Flying Low: Another Miserable Week For McCain

Let's take a quick look at the McCain campaign's latest greatest hits, shall we?

Lipstick On A Pig: The RNC disclosed that it spent $150,000 of campaign money (donated by Joe The Idiots everywhere) to buy clothes for Sarah Palin and her family at Saks Fifth Avenue and Nieman Marcus. And the highest paid person in the entire McCain campaign? Amy Strozzi (Palin's make-up stylist) who was paid $22,000 for just 2 weeks work in October, more than McCain's own chief foreign policy advisor Randy Scheunemann.

Crazy Runs In The Family: John McCain's 66 year old baby brother Joe decided to call 911 to complain about traffic.

Operator: 911 state your emergency

McCain: It's not an emergency but do you know why on one side at the damn drawbridge of 95traffic is stopped for 15 minutes and yet traffic's coming the other way?

Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about traffic? (pause)

McCain: "(Expletive) you." (caller hangs up)

The 911 operator then called McCain back and left a message admonishing him for misusing the emergency service, after which he actually called 911 back to complain again!

The New "Face Of The Campaign":

By now, everyone is aware of the sad, sordid tale of self-mutilating wingnut Ashley Todd. Cruising around Pittsburgh, this dopey McCain campaign worker claimed to have been assaulted by a black Obama supporter who carved a (backwards) "B" into her face. The B, as it turns out, stands for Bullshit. After receiving sympathy calls from both John McCain and Sarah Palin, Todd admitted the whole story was made up. She is now behind bars herself. And, surprise, surprise...the McCain campaign may have been involved in pushing the whole hoax onto the media.

One wonders whether old man McCain even wants to win this thing anymore...

Jeepers Joe-6-Pack, She's A Hockey Mom Doggonit!

Judging from the amount of right-wing self-fellating going on today, I have to conclude the following about what Republicans want in a VP.

A VP should:

• Wink a lot
• Enunciate poorly
• Use empty catch phrases and blue collar jingo in every sentence
• Use quotes out of context
• Be able to recite talking points, while demonstrating little to no understanding of issues
  
• Lapse into incoherency from time to time

But don't take it from me. Let's hear it straight from Winky Mainstreet:

"That is not so, but because that's just a quick answer, I want to talk about, again, my record on energy versus your ticket's energy ticket, also."

Well said, also.

"One thing that Americans do at this time, also, though, is let's commit ourselves just every day American people, Joe Six Pack, hockey moms across the nation, I think we need to band together and say never again. Never will we be exploited and taken advantage of again by those who are managing our money and loaning us these dollars."

Yes! Damn you, people lending us these...dollars. Doggone it, what'chya need is a team of mavericks who, with, reformin' and also rejiggimifyin' the whole White House thingy. Also! *wink*

My Eyes!! Ze Gogglez...Zey Do Nussing!!

Sweet Mother of God. This woman is borderline retarded.



Bailout healthcare economy stuff with jobs maverick reform and tax maverick Wall Street things and stuff maverick. She talk real good-like!

WOW. The Stupid, It Burns...

Please watch this nightmarish video of Sarah Palin being interviewed by Katie Couric.



In fairness to the DOS-based Palinbot, there is no actual answer to Couric's question. McCain has been a shameless deregulator his whole career. But we'll eagerly wait for the hockey mom to research even one single example of McOld's "maverickness". Good grief.

Thoughts On Palin, And The Hypocrisy Of The Right

So, Sarah Failin' Palin gave her big speech to a room full of old white people (aka the RNC) last night, proving once again that Republicans will kill the Mooslems, save your soul, and lower your taxes. And if you disagree, you are obviously a sexist. My thoughts on last night's speech.

• Palin came across as confident and tough, a stark contrast to McCain.
• She has an incredibly annoying voice and accent, and if I hear "Eye-Rack" one more time, I'm gonna vomit.
• She managed to energize a room of old Republicans, itself a difficult task.
• She avoided going overboard on the loony hardcore Christian stuff, which may not have played well with the evangelicals, but didn't put off independents.
• Her speech was short on policy specifics, in particular the economy and healthcare.
• Her attacks on Obama were neither funny nor effective. Making fun of his community organizer roots is not a winning strategy for the former mayor of Wasilla. ("Look at Obama, making a big deal about helping poor Negroes...Ha Ha Ha!") Groan...
• I was a bit surprised she mentioned the Bridge To Nowhere. This is a weak point for her, as she was originally in favour of it before flip-flopping.
• It's curious that her supporters are decrying what they perceive as "sexism", while at the same time handing out pins saying "Hottest VP".
• Overall, despite the fact that I disagree with her on everything, she gave the kind of speech the GOP was hoping she would, and for that she deserves credit. Her real test will come in the following weeks, when she has to think on her feet, facing the media daily and debating the likes of Joe Biden.

Finally, Jon Stewart had a truly inspired segment last night exposing the utter hypocrisy of right wing blowhards. Do yourself a favour, follow the link, and enjoy a good laugh.

Earth To "Celestial Junk": Peggy Noonan Lies

Sometimes, you don't even need to poke fun at the right-wing-o-sphere. Sometimes, they do it to themselves. Paul, churning out the trash at Celestial Junk, slobbers over an article by Peggy Noonan in which she makes an impassioned case for the obvious brilliance of Sarah Palin's selection, the logic behind the decision and the 'danger' she poses to the "American Left". Here's a sample, lifted from Celestial Junk.

I'm bumping into a lot of critics who do not buy the legitimacy of small town mayorship (Palin had two terms in Wasilla, Alaska, population 9,000 or so) and executive as opposed to legislative experience. But executives, even of small towns, run something. There are 262 cities in this country with a population of 100,000 or more. But there are close to a hundred thousand small towns with ten thousand people or less. "You do the math," the conservative pollster Kellyanne Conway told me. "We are a nation of Wasillas, not Chicagos."

America may not be a nation of Chicagos, but neither is it a nation of university grads. So, according to Conway and Noonan, perhaps the best person to lead the USA is a country bumpkin with no foreign policy experience and a high school education. Sound good, Paul?
But the icing on this particular fruitcake is that not only is Noonan's article hilariously stupid, it's also a complete lie. Earlier today, Noonan was caught on a live mic discussing the Palin appointment and letting her true views out. Here's the video, and below is the transcript.

Chuck Todd: Mike Murphy, lots of free advice, we'll see if Steve Schmidt and the boys were watching. We'll find out on your blackberry. Tonight voters will get their chance to hear from Sarah Palin and she will get the chance to show voters she's the right woman for the job Up next, one man who's already convinced and he'll us why Gov. Jon Huntsman.
(cut away)
Peggy Noonan: Yeah.
Mike Murphy: You know, because I come out of the blue swing state governor world: Engler, Whitman, Tommy Thompson, Mitt Romney, Jeb Bush. I mean, these guys -- this is how you win a Texas race, just run it up. And it's not gonna work. And --
PN: It's over.
MM: Still McCain can give a version of the Lieberman speech to do himself some good.
CT: I also think the Palin pick is insulting to Kay Bailey Hutchinson, too.
PN: Saw Kay this morning.
CT: Yeah, she's never looked comfortable about this --
MM: They're all bummed out.
CT: Yeah, I mean is she really the most qualified woman they could have turned to?
PN: The most qualified? No! I think they went for this -- excuse me-- political bullshit about narratives --
CT: Yeah they went to a narrative.
MM: I totally agree.
PN: Every time the Republicans do that, because that's not where they live and it's not what they're good at, they blow it.
MM: You know what's really the worst thing about it? The greatness of McCain is no cynicism, and this is cynical.
CT: This is cynical, and as you called it, gimmicky.
MM: Yeah.

So my question is, who looks more foolish?
a) Peggy Noonan for writing such garbage, then getting caught calling it "bullshit".
b) Paul for eating it up, hook line & sinker
c) Both of the above

I report, you decide.

Welcome To The World's Lamest Convention

Yes folks, it's the Republican National Convention! Hampered by Hurricane Gustav, a controversial and generally unpopular VP pick, and legions of people who would simply rather watch their toenails grow, the RNC is off & limping. Here are some highlights from this ennui-fest.

• RNC co-chairperson Jo Ann Davidson mistakenly says "The next vice-president of the United States, Sarah Pawlenty!". Wishful thinking, perhaps?


• Another curious faux-pas came earlier in the day from McCain campaign manager Rick Davis, who referred to Palin as "Governor Failin".


• Minnesotan congresswoman Michele Bachmann says "Some presidential nominees know more about service than others!", implying that Barack Obama should have gone to Vietnam as a ten year old child.


• George W Bush adresses the convention via satellite, sparing McCain the spectacle of another embarrasing photo-op.

Someone wake me up when this thing ends.

The Palin Saga

I haven't yet blogged about Sarah Palin because, frankly, all the predictable things to say have been said. Some are decrying her lack of executive experience, foreign policy credentials, and are suggesting that her pick was little more than a naked ploy to win over disaffected Hillary supporters. Others think she is a "game changer", and a clever play to the evangelical base of the Republican party, themselves uncertain about McCain's fudamentalist credentials. These people adore her hard-line support of creationist teaching, the pro-life movement, and abstinence education in schools.

Well, life is a funny thing. Today, Palin announced that her 17 year old unmarried daughter Bristol is 5 months pregnant. Now let me be clear on this: I don't believe that the bedroom antics of Palin's daughter should be used as campaign fodder for political gain by anyone. But as an item of news released by Palin herself, Bristol's pregnancy should draw attention to the unquestionable absurdity and laughable folly of "abstinence-only education". In fact, a U.S. government report in 2007 supported the notion that abstinence-only sex ed just doesn't work.

By the by, Obama has already released a statement about this story, stating unequivocally that all candidates' children should be "off limits". Agreed.