Saturday, March 28, 2009

Senator Duffy Gives Speech, Stuffs Face

In case you've been wondering what Senator Fatty McDildo's been up to lately, he's been out earning his public salary by shilling for small town jerkwater Conservative candidates - that's what!
“I think senators work harder than we journalists ever gave them credit for,” he said, chuckling.
We journalists? Ho ho ho ho, that lardy clown, pretending he used to be a journalist, when we all know he was actually a comedian! Back then, he used to make funny jokes like this:
"I said 'I'm not much of a partisan.' [Duffy] said 'We've got lots of partisans, we don't need any more partisans"
But that was back when times were simple, men were men, and trans-fats were all the rage. Nowadays, the good Senator Duffy is being paid by Joe Q Taxpayer, and is rolling himself from town to town spreading non-partisan messages like this:
“The Conservative Party is not your grandfather’s party, it is the party that will take Canada into the future — you have many achievements to be proud of. [...] "What kind of work do I think Michael Ignatieff is doing? He works very hard and he is doing the work of three people — Larry, Moe and Curly,” said Duffy in a series of rapid-fire jokes. “What is the difference between a member of the NDP and a Liberal? About $500 of suit material,” went another.
Ha ha ha ha! Zinnng! Curiously, that's also the difference between Duffy and a normal-sized human being. But I digress. The point is that (pound for pound) Mike Duffy is the funniest Senator in Canada.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

More Conservative Lies

Usually, when you're marginally qualified and abysmally incompetent at doing something, you don't go around publicizing it. For instance, Paris Hilton has appeared in B-movies such as House of Wax and Bottoms Up, but even she would scarcely call herself an actress. That's why it is amazing to me that Stephen Harper continues to refer to himself as an "economist". The man has been absolutely and unequivocally WRONG about every single opinion he's delivered on the state of the Canadian economy since last fall. So it was no big surprise today to find out that his January economic forecast was...wait for it...WRONG.
Canada's federal budget watchdog warned MPs yesterday that the worsening recession has rendered the Harper government's January economic forecasts obsolete, predicting Ottawa will slide $10-billion deeper into deficit over the next 24 months with near-record levels of red ink ahead.
Ouch. And that's coming from the guy who the Conservatives appointed to be the Parliamentary Budget Officer! The response was typically idiotic.
Conservative MP Mike Wallace said Mr. Page shouldn't have jumped to that conclusion and urged more focus on good news. “I believe part of the issue facing Canada and the world is we need some of the positive stuff.[...]I myself purchased two cars these past two weeks. I am doing my share."
What the fuck? How totally out of touch is this whackjob? Hey Mike, I'm sure your out-of-work pensionless constituents in Burlington will be plum fucking thrilled to hear that you just bought two new cars, you brainless douchebag. Hell, that kind of news alone might just fix our whole economy, dontcha think?

On Wednesday [Page] told MPs that he's also having difficulty getting the federal Finance Department to provide him the raw financial data he needs for his analysis and forecasting.
Tory MPs defended withholding some documents, saying they've obtained a legal opinion that the confidentiality of Harper cabinet deliberations could be compromised by giving them to the office.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Supporting The Troops; SDA Style

Over at Kate's Sociopathic Social Club, the same assorted armchair commandos who were glad to label fellow Canadians as "Taliban supporters" a while back are having a hard time getting too worked up about Fox's Greg Gutfeld's thoughtless and decidedly un-funny mockery of our Armed Forces.

One commenter, "Phil", who describes himself as a serving member of the Forces tries to interject some personal perspective.
As another serving member, an infantry corporal no less, who's lost many friends overseas, I can tell you that I'm not a person who makes insulting jokes about Americans. I'm not a clown who would vote for funding cuts to the CF. I'm not from Toronto, and I don't live in Toronto. And I do have the nerve to bitch and complain and in fact, be disgusted at the Fox talking-heads. Have you risked your life under fire to bail out American troops? If you have then I'm guessing from your comment that you have a couple of screws loose. If you haven't, then maybe you should talk to some of our lads who have. They'll sort you out right quick. To Kate: If you have never had to put your arm around a grieving father who had his son blown up with only melted and charred plastic pieces of his tactical vest left around a burning LAV, then you could never understand how incredibly despicable and hurtful these comments could be. I pray that you may some day gain some sensitivity.[...]And yes, I have indeed watched the show before, and I have indeed watched Fox News before. I'll lighten up when I feel it's necessary. Now's not the time. I guess I'm with the liberals on this one. Proud to be agreeing with them on this matter.
The response from compassionate conservative "Alex" comes quickly:
Nice appeal to emotion, Phil. Very touching. I shed a tear, I really did.[...] I'll sacrifice a goat that you may some day grow a pair. I'm not sure how you managed to stay in the infantry long enough to get your second hook, if this is the kind of shit that gets under your skin.
Now "Alex" may sound like a disrespectful asshole, but he probably has a yellow ribbon stuck to the back of his pickup truck. So I guess his troop-supportin' credentials are up to snuff. Stephen Taylor must be proud.