Conservatives Scripting Calls to Radio Shows

What do you do when you're a brain-dead, mindless zombie that's incapable of independent thought?

1. You vote Conservative.

2. You drool a lot.

3. You call radio shows and read off a list of talking points prepared for you by Dear Leader.

Yes, Conservative Party headquarters has mined a new low (or perhaps merely acknowledged the existing low in the IQ of their supporters) by providing grassroots supporters with lists of talking points and party spin to pass off as their own 'thoughts' on call-in radio shows.

Surf the party website. Type in your postal code. Click on a topic you'd like to discuss on the radio. And the website spits out the times, phone numbers, and names of local talk shows to call — along with a handy list of good things to say about the Conservatives and bad things to say about their opponents. The website includes similar advice for letter-writers to newspapers.

No word if the website also includes instructions on how to dial a telephone, or if CPC supporters are left to figure that out all by themselves.

To Anyone Who Still Thinks Hillary Can Win...

Wake up and smell the numbers. Based on current polling stats (and yes, I know these can change), Chris Bowers does some Ultimate Delegate Math. It's well worth the read. Basically, Bowers summarizes the 5 most likely scenarios going forward - including seating the FLA and MI delegates - and crunches the numbers...and they still don't look good for the former First Lady of Bosnian Sniper Fire (more on that later).

Those are some pretty big bullets to dodge, even for someone who claims to have dodged sniper fire in Bosnia. Turns out....ehhhh....not so much. From a speech she gave just this week:

"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."

--Hillary Clinton, speech at George Washington University, March 17, 2008.

Her travelling companions on this harrowing trip to hell? Sinbad, Sheryl Crow, and a 15 year old Chelsea Clinton. Sinbad himself has stated that the scariest part of the trip was deciding "where to eat". Michael Dobbs at the Washington Post does the rest of the fact-checking. And here's the video evidence of Clinton's Rambo-esque escape to the base on her arrival. Ready on Day One.

Florida Says No To Crack

In its ongoing bid to be the most ridiculed state in the Union, the Florida Senate has passed a bill that would ban saggy pants in schools. I don't mean to question the priorities of the good people in the Florida legislature, but surely there are other issues that are much more pressing.

Liberals Ponder Non-Confidence Motion, Will Abstain

RC Press (Ottawa) - Liberal leader Stephane Dion today announced that his party is seriously considering tabling a non-confidence motion in the House of Commons.

"This government has betrayed the trust of Canadians on a number of issues", said an angry Dion. "From the Cadman affair, to NAFTAgate, to inaction on the environment, Stephen Harper has failed to live up to his responsibilities as Prime Minister"

"It is our opinion that this government can no longer stand, so we will be meeting over the weekend to consider drafting a motion of non-confidence".

When asked if he was prepared to topple the Conservative government over the issue, Dion took a more cautious tone. "We'll have to see about that".

Later, MP Ralph Goodale reassured Canadians that they wouldn't be heading to the polls anytime soon. "We have every intention of introducing a non-confidence motion, but we have no intention of bringing down the government over it. We know that Canadians don't want to have another election at this time".

The sentiment was echoed by Deputy Leader Michael Ignatieff. "Look, we know that this government has presided over one travesty after another, and we cannot allow it to go on. Mr. Harper continues to obfuscate, evade questions, and steer this country in the wrong direction. Canadians demand better. As the official opposition, it is our duty to bring a non-confidence motion to the floor, and send the Conservatives packing."

"But an election is not the way to accomplish this. So when our motion comes up for a vote, Canadians can be confident that we will not bring down the government over this issue. We'll simply abstain. If Mr. Layton, Mr. Duceppe, and Mr. Harper want to force Canadians into an early election, it will be on their heads".

In response, Prime Minister Harper issued the following statement: "Saying they have no confidence in me amounts to a defamation of my character, and so I have decided to file a second lawsuit against the Liberal Party, Stephane Dion, Ralph Goodale, Michael Ignatieff, Paul Martin, Barack Obama, the CBC, and the estates of Pierre Elliot Trudeau and Lester B. Pearson. People need to realize that they cannot oppose me with impunity. I have referred the matter to my lawyer, so I'm afraid I can't comment further."

Harper Wants Make-Up Sex With Senators

Regardless what you think of Liberal Dan McTeague's private member's bill and its financial implications, you have to love the delicious irony of watching Stephen Harper and his merry band of bombastic anti-Senate buffoons now grovelling before that very same chamber.

After years of griping endlessly about the Senate blocking bills, Harpo is beseeching that group of 'obstructionist, unaccountable, partisan hacks' to....BLOCK McTEAGUE'S BILL!

If the humor of the situation is lost on the CPC rank & file (and given their general stupidity, I think it's safe to assume it is), it is abundantly clear to Senator Céline Hervieux-Payette:

“I'm waiting for the dozen roses and a little word of apology for not appreciating the good work that's being done”

Vindictive God Crushes Huckabee's Hopes

Despite an organized prayer campaign by some of his supporters, a bewildered Mike Huckabee was finally forced to drop out of the Republican Presidential race tonight after losing big to John McCain in all 4 contested states.

Said God, "Yeah, I heard the prayers. But I was like, 'Dude...buy a calculator...do the math'. It ain't gonna happen".

So long Huck.

Meanwhile over on Democrat side, Hillary has stopped the bleeding with wins in Ohio and Rhode Island. At the time of this blog post, Vermont has gone to Obama and Texas is too close to call. It seems that no matter what happens in Texas tonight, Obama will maintain a lead in delegates. Nonetheless, Hillary has earned some much needed relief from the Obama machine, and has ensured that the drama will continue for at least another few weeks. Is this good for the Dems or bad? Some say that all publicity is good publicity, others that a bitter campaign will only create divisions within the party. Time will tell.

Random-Ass Irrelevant Newspaper Endorses Hillary!

In perhaps a telling sign of the way in which the Clinton campaign has been going, this "hot-off-the-press" release directly from her website:

If You Read One Thing Today: Vermont Woman Newspaper endorsed Hillary.

That's right - if you read only one thing today, make sure it's Vermont Woman. With a circulation of nearly 20,000, it's only slightly easier to find than the Okachobee High School Reporter.

Meanwhile, Obama's website is also touting his latest newspaper endorsement:

[Cincinnati] Enquirer endorses Obama on Democratic side

As I said, it's a reflection of the difficulties Hillary has had finding her footing in an increasingly desperate battle to stay competitive with an Obama campaign that has somehow taken on a life of its own. The rhetoric has been cranked up, and not always to Clinton's benefit. Witness this bizzarre press-release from Hillary's campign braintrust, brilliantly dissected by Wonkette:

Anything the Hillary Clinton camp says these days on teevee, to reporters, to anyone who is a human being, rapidly erodes the entire
campaign and her legacy. In their latest memo, which must have been written in crayon and targeted at the Cro-Magnon community, Team Clinton says that sinceObama has done everything correctly, any loss in the future would finalize his defeat.

To: Interested Parties

From: The Clinton Campaign

Date: Friday, February 29, 2008

RE: Obama Must-Wins

The media has anointed Barack Obama the presumptive nominee and he's playing the part. With an eleven state winning streak coming
out of February, Senator Obama is riding a surge of momentum that has enabledhim to pour unprecedented resources into Texas, Ohio, Rhode Island and Vermont. The Obama campaign and its allies are outspending us two to one in paid media and have sent more staff into the March 4 states. In fact, when all is totaled, Senator Obama and his allies have outspent Senator Clinton by a margin of $18.4 million to $9.2 million on advertising in the four states that are voting next
Tuesday. Senator Obama has campaigned hard in these states. He has spent time meeting editorial boards, courting endorsers, holding rallies, and - of course - making speeches. If he cannot win all of these states with all this effort, there's a problem. Should Senator Obama fail to score decisive victories with all of the resources and effort he is bringing to bear, the message will be clear: Democrats, the majority of whom have favored Hillary in the primary contests held to date, have their doubts about Senator Obama and are having second thoughts about him as a prospective standard-bearer.

Translation: Barack Obama has won eleven straight contests, raised more money (because people like him), campaigned brilliantly and thoroughly in Texas and Ohio -- thereby marginalizing Clinton's long-held leads in those states -- won most endorsements and made legendary speeches at his overpacked rallies. Clinton has lost eleven straight contests, is consistently on the verge of bankruptcy, has run poor, indifferent campaigns in Texas and Ohio -- states she led by double digits only a couple of weeks ago -- lost every endorsement and cannot speak. Obama sure has dug his own grave with this "doing well in the election" strategy this election season.

And a new Zogby poll shows Obama now ahead in Texas, and closing a once double-digit gap in Ohio.

Texas

Clinton - 42%

Obama - 48%

Ohio

Clinton - 44%

Obama - 42%

Should be an interesting Tuesday...